This past weekend, I participated in a local ride. It’s the first cycling event I’ve signed up for in 8 years or so. It was a night ride, so I splurged on some inexpensive lights for my bike wheels and my friend loaned me this freaking AWESOME light up vest that changed colors. There may have also been some pink streamers attached to the handlebars. 😉
While I have hopped on my bike a few times in the last couple of weeks, I have not ridden much at all – and the longest ride was 12 miles or so – a far cry from the centuries I used to do, but that’s neither here nor there. So I was a little nervous about the course, even though it was “only” 14 or so miles.
I arrived rather early and chatted briefly with a few other riders, then wandered about admiring all the lights and costumes showing up. The theme of the event was “Superheroes” and I’m going to say, if some mean alien enemy came, we were well represented with Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman, The Incredibles, Spiderman, Deadpool, and a whole host of other comic characters.
The sun set and the crowd of lit up bikes started the slow shuffle toward the start line where they let riders go in waves. While I wasn’t nervous, per se, I was wondering how I would do. I planned to take it slow and not get myself worked up if there were some big hills or my legs got tired.
Before I knew it, I was at the start line and the volunteers waved us on – the ride had begun!
As with all group events, there was the initial slow pace where the groups were kind of bunched together, but soon things began to loosen up and, to my complete surprise, I started passing people. It was an uphill section and I absolutely didn’t intend to go fast, but that seems to be what happened.
After so long an absence from riding, it seemed my body had decided to use the newly acquired running fitness to take full advantage of being out on the road bike again. I felt the wind on my face, the blood coursing through my legs as I pedaled, the soft click of the gears as I ran through them when the climb continued. I told myself to settle down, since I had no idea what was ahead on the course, but my body didn’t want to listen – it felt free and excited. I went with it (not always a wise decision, but sometimes ya gotta see where the adrenaline takes you.)
I caught the next wave of riders, following spinning lit-up wheels and blinking tail lights. I made my way past them and then caught up to the next. This was not me competing or trying to catch or pass anyone, it was a pure, energetic joy at being back on the bike after so long away. This casual, themed ride was reminding me of the fun I had had on this bike and all the rides I had been on. It seemed a celebration of how far I had come.
It sounds utterly silly as I read this, but the absolute joy I felt as the miles sailed past was such a wonderful feeling.
I sailed past the first rest stop, not wanting to pause at all in this glorious adventure. The Barbie Bike and I wound through city streets, dodged potholes, (ok, I did hit one of them and wondered if that would be an end to my wheel, but Barbie Bike held tough!) and listened to the sounds of the night around course.
The entire time, I had no idea what my speed was or how far I had traveled. I merely followed the course volunteers when they directed us to turn and the other bikes in front of me.
I made one stop at the final rest stop to check my wheel and I inhaled some M&Ms they were giving out. I took a few sips of water and hopped back on my bike. I paused for maybe 3 minutes and wanted to ride again.
So I did. And before I knew it, I was on the home stretch to the finish line.
It was a little over an hour of absolute fun. There was no one with me, this was a purely solo adventure and I couldn’t be more thrilled with how it all went. Somehow, I was in the early group to finish the short course and I scampered over to grab a few pancakes the Boy Scouts were providing to participants.
The smile didn’t leave my face for a long while – even after loading up the bike and heading home.
A few things surprised me about the night:
How much fun I had. I spent many years training (and helping train others) for centuries, that I often forgot to just ride for fun. No mileage goal to get in, no purpose other than to have a good time.
How different I felt. I had tried a few years ago to get back on the bike and, due to my larger size, it all felt uncomfortable. My stomach was in the way, my legs felt much too wide for the bike, and I was so self conscious about it all that there was no joy in it. All of those perceptions were my own making, but as we all know, your head can be your own worst enemy in so many ways. This time, I felt comfortable and much like I was back in touch with an old friend.
How much running had helped increase my fitness. While my legs were a little tired after, I was so appreciative that my cardio fitness was so much better now. I can make adjustments for tired legs through slowing down or gearing, but gasping for breathe and having your heart pounding out of your chest isn’t as easy to accommodate.
How free and joyous I felt. I could have done that ride again that night. It was that wonderful.
Why would any of this matter to anyone besides myself?
Because two years ago, I would look at my bike and feel shame. I’d feel regret. It was a very visible reminder of how far I’d fallen from when I was at my fittest. This beautiful bike hanging on the garage wall seemed to mock me daily with its covering of dust and flat tires. Old riding friends would ask if I had been riding and I would make up excuses like “altitude” or “it’s too hilly around here” or “I don’t know where to go” – all were the cover for “I feel much too fat and out of shape to even want to try.”
But now things have changed. I’m a runner. I’m a hiker. I’m a cyclist (again.)
My shoes and my bike are no longer elements of humiliation, they are invitations to go outside for an adventure.
It was a long road, but one I don’t regret traveling at all.
So go forth and find your joy and freedom, my fellow snails. If blinky lights and handlebar streamers are part of it, all the better.
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